Body Test Numero Dos

Now that the doctor has completely humbled me, I thought it only fitting to have more complete strangers talk down to  me and diminish any sense of manhood I thought I had.  Therefore, I made the trek to Gainesville, FL to have some athletic tests conducted by the University of Florida Athletic Performance Lab.  Just the fact that its a lab should have been my first indication that this was going to be painful.  In any case, I felt it important to once again quantify where the ole body is at this point in my life.

The director of the lab, name purposely withheld until I get his permission, was awesome.  Patient, sense of humor, but very smart and focused on my tests.  We started with some treadmill warming up where I still think that I'm in good shape.  To set the scene, huge room, very clean and neat, lots of exercise equipment, lots of people being directed to move around a lot, but not a lot of sweat; this is not the Olympic training center.  However, Ivan Drago would have been very comfortable there.  I get on the treadmill and get what feels like a mouth guard placed/shoved in my mouth with lots of different hoses in order to collect/measure the oxygen I am able to inhale.  Its fastened by a halo-like device around my melon and then, for good measure, they block my nose with a clothespin-like device.  Lets just say...not the most comfortable way to run.

Testing begins with incremental increases in speed, finger pricking blood tests every 10 minutes, lots of jotting stuff down on a clip board and people, of course, are now staring.  What's the most fun about this test is that the breathing through this contraption makes you produce an inordinate amount of saliva and if you can imagine, it really has no place to go except for this VERY small receptacle attached to the mouthpiece and dangling next to my chin.  Needless to say, it fills up fast and in my case, overflows faster.  Now, not only am I sprinting on a treadmill in the middle of this place and many people staring at me with clipboards, I now have a Bassett Hound amount of spit swinging back and forth as I try to run as fast as I can for the best measurements.  Again, ego out the window.

End result, tests come back with me at the bottom of the range of the good level.  I have to make to excellent by the end of the year.