Have you ever seen the slow motion version of the video highlighting the Secret Service agents that were protecting President Reagan the day they saved his life? I'm also picturing Michael Jordan, in his prime, orchestrating the most beautiful ballet of grace and poise on the basketball court with what seems to be an effortless display of dramatic war to get a ball in a basket. Or what about listening to the arguments for the 2000 Presidential Election and happening to get a glimpse of David Boies, Al Gore's attorney, as he was so skillfully orating to the US Supreme Court with a very polite, hour and a half diatribe that made it seem like he was reading a poem to his wife; we all know the outcome though. Maybe the simplest visual is a doctor working a triage situation with essentially one focused goal; save lives.
In each case there is this incredible level of instinct, of passion, of thoughtlessness that translates to a level of production that makes you clearly believe that some people are intuitively born to perform. They don't have to think, they don't look at notes, they don't understand that they are under a great amount of pressure and they clearly believe that they are solely responsible for that moment.
When it comes to completing the events to commemorate my 40th year, I am not one of these people. Quite the contrary; I think about everything. Am I going to wear the right shoes?, what should I eat two days before?, should I wear a backpack or try and wing it with aid stations? Should I bring a camera to take photos of a place that I probably will really enjoy or will that be too much weight to carry and ultimately slow me down enough that I don't make the 3 hour/15 mile cut off which would ultimately turn me around to head back the finish line failing to complete the entire race? For this I am overly thoughtful, I am trying to be overly prepared and I want to get past that 15 mile mark so I can finish what I intended.
Its been almost two months since I started and I truly don't feel like an athlete. I see myself as more of a guy trying to be truthful to himself. "I put it writing so I have to do it" sort of thing. Lets hope that changes, because if it doesn't, then I'm just what some of this blog's readers have commented about me:
WCR says: "Lesson to the kids: Make sure you draw attention to yourself at every opportunity. Under no circumstance should you work hard towards a goal without letting everyone know what you're doing and soliciting kudos."
DeenafromClevelar says: "Considering the OP's other post, I believe he is having a mid-life crisis."
Lovethehalf: "Yep. Anyone who thinks they'll inspire others with their running is delusional. Mostly, others think you're nuts. In the interest of fairness, it is quite possible that they are correct."
I'm looking forward to this weekend and getting to that starting line, thoughts, comments and all.
http://daddysdesperateattempt.blogspot.com/
Twitter: @daddysdesperate
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Friday, February 18, 2011
Dear May and Cowboy
Daddy had an interesting week. Now that I am slowing down the training so I can rest more for the upcoming http://www.blackmountainmarathon.com/ I definitely feel that I am highly unprepared for this first adventure to my 40th year. This is a good lesson for me that while I have a good base, I am truly in no shape to be "running" 40 miles. I guess what I can pass on from this is that doing part of your homework is not the same as doing your homework. I know that I'll be on a mountain somewhere begging for mercy as I try to save face for having even signed up for this.
I have also learned that 40 miles is nothing...compared to others. I have a friend who ran 100 miles a couple of weeks ago in under 18 hours. I also am learning about people who have done a double deca ironman triathlon, 20 times the distance of an ironman (48 mile swim, 2240 mile bike, 524 mile run), of which only 10 people started last year and not sure how many finished and they only have 28 days to do it all. By the way, the winner gets $2000, which equates to roughly $4.00/hour if you are counting. I guess that's pretty good since my first job as a dishwasher at 14 years old yielded $3.35/hour. I should have gotten into double deca ironman winning business in order to increase my tax return.
I feel like the lesson is that there will always be someone willing and able to do something greater than you. Even the most accomplished and successful people realize that they typically have one day, after all of their preparation, to do something great...to perform...to amaze and to win. On that one day, they can be the best at anything. But there will be another day where someone else will want that spot, will want what you have and will want to take it from you. You cant be the best forever, but I guarantee it will be interesting if you ever are, even for just one day.
I also went to a funeral this week. Aunt Carole passed away. While you may not remember her as you grow older, Daddy will always have great stories for you to keep her memory alive. She was so sweet, thoughtful, kind, funny and she loved asking about you guys and finding out how you were growing up. She was super cool and she will be missed by so many.
Please understand that people will come and go in your life. You may have a chance to spend a minute with them or in some cases, a lifetime. However, in either case, I know that you'll always remember them, no matter how minuscule the interaction. Something throughout your day, at any moment, will make you recall a specific moment in time that accentuates the time, day, smells, lighting and emotion of a period that may have seemed insignificant at the time. I remember, when I was 4, a neighbor down my street that took me with his kids to Burger King after I invited myself to go...they just moved to the neighborhood. I remember my mother, GG, running out of our house and chasing me with a dark blue, cardigan sweater when I screamed towards the house that I would be going to the Burger King with the new neighbors. I also remember sitting in the Burger King and these new neighbors being very quiet eaters; probably thinking that they made a mistake moving to our street now that little 4 year olds think they can do whatever they want. This is a special gift that we all have and is probably given us to remember where we came from so we can attempt to humble ourselves as life tries to change us.
Running 40 miles next week will, most likely, generate so many memories for me. But I am more excited to experience the memories already instilled in me through the hours and hours of effort and quiet. I plan to think of you a lot that day. I hope that by my running and learning, I can become a better father for you.
I love you.
Daddy
I have also learned that 40 miles is nothing...compared to others. I have a friend who ran 100 miles a couple of weeks ago in under 18 hours. I also am learning about people who have done a double deca ironman triathlon, 20 times the distance of an ironman (48 mile swim, 2240 mile bike, 524 mile run), of which only 10 people started last year and not sure how many finished and they only have 28 days to do it all. By the way, the winner gets $2000, which equates to roughly $4.00/hour if you are counting. I guess that's pretty good since my first job as a dishwasher at 14 years old yielded $3.35/hour. I should have gotten into double deca ironman winning business in order to increase my tax return.
I feel like the lesson is that there will always be someone willing and able to do something greater than you. Even the most accomplished and successful people realize that they typically have one day, after all of their preparation, to do something great...to perform...to amaze and to win. On that one day, they can be the best at anything. But there will be another day where someone else will want that spot, will want what you have and will want to take it from you. You cant be the best forever, but I guarantee it will be interesting if you ever are, even for just one day.
I also went to a funeral this week. Aunt Carole passed away. While you may not remember her as you grow older, Daddy will always have great stories for you to keep her memory alive. She was so sweet, thoughtful, kind, funny and she loved asking about you guys and finding out how you were growing up. She was super cool and she will be missed by so many.
Please understand that people will come and go in your life. You may have a chance to spend a minute with them or in some cases, a lifetime. However, in either case, I know that you'll always remember them, no matter how minuscule the interaction. Something throughout your day, at any moment, will make you recall a specific moment in time that accentuates the time, day, smells, lighting and emotion of a period that may have seemed insignificant at the time. I remember, when I was 4, a neighbor down my street that took me with his kids to Burger King after I invited myself to go...they just moved to the neighborhood. I remember my mother, GG, running out of our house and chasing me with a dark blue, cardigan sweater when I screamed towards the house that I would be going to the Burger King with the new neighbors. I also remember sitting in the Burger King and these new neighbors being very quiet eaters; probably thinking that they made a mistake moving to our street now that little 4 year olds think they can do whatever they want. This is a special gift that we all have and is probably given us to remember where we came from so we can attempt to humble ourselves as life tries to change us.
Running 40 miles next week will, most likely, generate so many memories for me. But I am more excited to experience the memories already instilled in me through the hours and hours of effort and quiet. I plan to think of you a lot that day. I hope that by my running and learning, I can become a better father for you.
I love you.
Daddy
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
The KGB Is On To Me
When I lift my shirt and look down, especially when I am running and use the bottom of my shirt to wipe the sweat from my face, my gut sticks out bilaterally just below my belly button. Not very far, but enough to make the two raised humps look like a little booty. Couple that with the hair that grows north to the belly button and I have the cousin to the much larger version around the corner. Can you imagine that this is all I can come up with as I'm trudging around the golf course for my second to last long run before the first event for my fortieth year? That is the deep, contemplative thought I have when I am spending endless hours by myself trying to find out what I have learned over the previous 40 years and how I can make the next forty that much better. This is going to be a long year...
At 2a on a Saturday, I awoke and put on the running shoes to start the 20 mile trek I wanted to get in before everyone woke up. I'm still trying not to let any of my aspirations get in the way of my family life as I think its highly unfair to everyone else. Do you think its strange that there is a grown man running the streets of a planned community at 3a? 4a? 5a? 6a? If you don't, the KGB does. For four and a half hours, the security guards (KGB) of said community followed me like I was in Rocky IV. I kept picturing myself doing wind-sprints through the snow in an effort to try and lose the KGB from watching my every move. I kept thinking that my run had such meaning to this country that armed men needed to be aware of my intentions. What it looked like though was me slowly sauntering around manicured lawns in a partial daze, effervescent and freshly planted flowers permeating through the recently sprinklered landscape that was making me whiplash with each new house as I strolled by, and limping past newly purchased Jaguars and Bentleys as they sat in their driveways like they were two best friends happy to have finally found their soul mate. Maybe that is why the KGB wanted to know why a 39 year old man is awake and running by himself through "Fantasy Land" in the dark. I ultimately took it as a compliment because I wanted to feel like I was highly intimidating to someone. Silly rabbit, tricks are kids.
I finished just as everyone was waking up and my wife was really wondering where I went. It seems that her husband forgot to tell her that he wanted to run that morning, so when she spent the night in an empty bed, she ultimately wanted to know where I was. Who's being selfish now? I was sore, tired, chaffed in highly uncomfortable places and happy that I was able to run 20 miles. Now I just need to double that and run the first half uphill and I'll be totally fine.
I've also made some headway with some exceptional people to interview this year. While my journey will be an interesting one, I am more interested to hear how others have fared on their walk to 40 and what they may have accomplished before, during and after this potentially arbitrary number. I have two interviews with some superstar athletes that have accomplished so much in and out of their sports by the age of 40. I'm excited to find other people as well who can really add to the mix; so let me know if you know if anyone...they don't have to be famous...but maybe to you they are.
At 2a on a Saturday, I awoke and put on the running shoes to start the 20 mile trek I wanted to get in before everyone woke up. I'm still trying not to let any of my aspirations get in the way of my family life as I think its highly unfair to everyone else. Do you think its strange that there is a grown man running the streets of a planned community at 3a? 4a? 5a? 6a? If you don't, the KGB does. For four and a half hours, the security guards (KGB) of said community followed me like I was in Rocky IV. I kept picturing myself doing wind-sprints through the snow in an effort to try and lose the KGB from watching my every move. I kept thinking that my run had such meaning to this country that armed men needed to be aware of my intentions. What it looked like though was me slowly sauntering around manicured lawns in a partial daze, effervescent and freshly planted flowers permeating through the recently sprinklered landscape that was making me whiplash with each new house as I strolled by, and limping past newly purchased Jaguars and Bentleys as they sat in their driveways like they were two best friends happy to have finally found their soul mate. Maybe that is why the KGB wanted to know why a 39 year old man is awake and running by himself through "Fantasy Land" in the dark. I ultimately took it as a compliment because I wanted to feel like I was highly intimidating to someone. Silly rabbit, tricks are kids.
I finished just as everyone was waking up and my wife was really wondering where I went. It seems that her husband forgot to tell her that he wanted to run that morning, so when she spent the night in an empty bed, she ultimately wanted to know where I was. Who's being selfish now? I was sore, tired, chaffed in highly uncomfortable places and happy that I was able to run 20 miles. Now I just need to double that and run the first half uphill and I'll be totally fine.
I've also made some headway with some exceptional people to interview this year. While my journey will be an interesting one, I am more interested to hear how others have fared on their walk to 40 and what they may have accomplished before, during and after this potentially arbitrary number. I have two interviews with some superstar athletes that have accomplished so much in and out of their sports by the age of 40. I'm excited to find other people as well who can really add to the mix; so let me know if you know if anyone...they don't have to be famous...but maybe to you they are.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Banned For Turning 40
I walked by one of my neighbors today and in a very neighborly way she said, "You look like you lost weight." I dont plan on weighing myself again until December, but it made me think that I was probably a lot "fluffier" than I thought. In any case, I answered back, "Am I ripped to shreds?" I think my response lightened the three second encounter a little but from my perspective, not by much.
When exercising this week, I feel like I started to become a little more introspective as to how this entire year was going to play out. I took the liberty of posting this blog on a couple of different forums that focus on overly athletic people who like to talk about being overly athletic. Not in a negative way, obviously because I would be right there with them if you didnt know me, but the average exercise person normally wouldnt be interested in how many grams they lost due to eating their macrobiotic vegan "bacon" bits. The forums; http://www.slowtwitch.com/ and http://www.beginnertriathlete.com/ both provide avenues for seeking advice and feedback from "like-minded" people possibly participating in equally painful events.
However, the feedback I found was drastically different then what I thought I would receive. I posted last week's blog entry because it was somewhat agnostic in its tone and delivery. I was just explaining a couple of scenarios. But people's comments filled the spectrum of emotion. One reader thought I was aggressively egotistical and had no idea why I would even post a comment. Another was completely complimentary and encouraging. In the end, http://www.slowtwitch.com/ banned my blog from their forum citing it was too promotional and took away from the spirit of the forum. In all, I have had over 700 views of this blog in the last month but I guess I can understand why they would not want this kind of content. But with that many people interested, it may make sense to keep trying.
So what did I learn this week to teach my kids about turning 40 as I was up early exercising so I can be home when they wake up?
When exercising this week, I feel like I started to become a little more introspective as to how this entire year was going to play out. I took the liberty of posting this blog on a couple of different forums that focus on overly athletic people who like to talk about being overly athletic. Not in a negative way, obviously because I would be right there with them if you didnt know me, but the average exercise person normally wouldnt be interested in how many grams they lost due to eating their macrobiotic vegan "bacon" bits. The forums; http://www.slowtwitch.com/ and http://www.beginnertriathlete.com/ both provide avenues for seeking advice and feedback from "like-minded" people possibly participating in equally painful events.
However, the feedback I found was drastically different then what I thought I would receive. I posted last week's blog entry because it was somewhat agnostic in its tone and delivery. I was just explaining a couple of scenarios. But people's comments filled the spectrum of emotion. One reader thought I was aggressively egotistical and had no idea why I would even post a comment. Another was completely complimentary and encouraging. In the end, http://www.slowtwitch.com/ banned my blog from their forum citing it was too promotional and took away from the spirit of the forum. In all, I have had over 700 views of this blog in the last month but I guess I can understand why they would not want this kind of content. But with that many people interested, it may make sense to keep trying.
So what did I learn this week to teach my kids about turning 40 as I was up early exercising so I can be home when they wake up?
- Stay true to your thoughts and feelings; someone is going to like to what you have to say.
- Be completely honest with everyone, including yourself, so you can sleep at night.
- Do the right thing even if it pisses someone off.
I bought some http://www.yaktrax.com/ today because there is currently a ton of snow on the trail for the http://www.blackmountainmarathon.com/. Living in Florida there is no snow training, no cold training, no hill training and no way that I am going to feel good about starting the race in three weeks. I have to start these events someway, but why did I ever think that I could run 40 miles?
Twitter: @daddysdesperate
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